To lead is to choose. And choices are rarely simple or popular.

Leadership, as it's often portrayed, looks clean. You see it in conference talks and polished LinkedIn posts - filled with words like empathy, empowerment, psychological safety, and servant leadership. You’re encouraged to be vulnerable, to “bring everyone along,” to always put people first. And let’s be clear - these are powerful and necessary virtues. They’ve helped redefine leadership for the better. They build trust, belonging, and emotional resilience in teams.

But they are not the only flavor of leadership. And sometimes, they’re not enough. Because real leadership? It often lives in the gray. It means making calls that don’t feel good in the moment but are essential for the future. It means carrying burdens that others don’t see. It means being misunderstood - and still doing what needs to be done.

Leadership Is Not a Popularity Contest

The truth is: leadership does get lonely. There are days when you're not clapped for, not supported, not understood - and yet you’ll still have to act. You’ll have to make tradeoffs that affect people’s work, morale, or roles. You’ll have to say things that don’t land well, but must be said. And you won’t always be celebrated for it. You might be resented. But that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

Leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being trusted.

It’s about having the strength to stand firm when others need direction - even if they don’t agree with you in the moment.

The Myth of Harmony and Total Alignment

We’ve come to glorify consensus in modern leadership. We sometimes over-index on harmony, on ensuring everyone is convinced and involved. But sometimes, the longer you chase alignment, the further you drift from action. Some of the most necessary decisions made are met with resistance. Letting go of high performers who were toxic to culture. Saying no to high-revenue deals that came with bad long-term tradeoffs. Pulling the plug on a beloved product that wasn’t delivering value. They weren’t popular moves. But they would be the right ones in the context. And that’s the real weight of leadership - choosing what’s right over what’s liked.

The Toll It Takes

Here’s what rarely gets talked about: Leadership doesn’t just test your strategy. It tests your emotional endurance. You're expected to be composed when you're carrying the weight of a layoff. You're expected to motivate others when you're barely hanging on. You're expected to have answers while privately wrestling with doubt. The mental load is invisible - but heavy. And often, there’s no safe place to offload it. Leaders are human. But they’re sometime are not treated like one. There’s an unspoken expectation to be unshakable. And over time, that takes a toll. We need to normalize this: you can feel the burden and still do the job well. You can be emotionally affected and still make the hard call. You can lead with empathy and edge.

Caring Doesn’t Always Look Like Comfort

The leader who cares deeply is often the one making the toughest decisions. Letting someone go, not because they aren’t skilled, but because they’re damaging the team. Halting an initiative that people are excited about because it’s pulling the company off-course. Challenging the room when everyone else is nodding along. That doesn’t feel “soft.” It doesn’t feel “nice.” But it is caring. It’s caring about the mission. The people. The future.

The Ones Who Stayed True

Many of the leaders we admire today were, at some point, unpopular.

Steve Jobs wasn’t beloved by his teams. He pushed hard, made cuts, and held impossibly high standards. But he saw the future - and he protected it, even when people didn't understand him. Jeff Bezos ignored short-term metrics and investor demands because he was focused on what would matter five years later. Reed Hastings made the bold decision to kill off Netflix’s DVD business to double down on streaming. These were not popular decisions in the moment. But they were the right ones - and they shaped entire industries.

Final Thought: This Is Still Leadership

None of this is to diminish the value of modern leadership virtues. Empathy. Listening. Servant mindset. Vulnerability. We need those now more than ever. But leadership isn’t just those things. It’s also decisiveness. It’s also strength under pressure. It’s also the willingness to be disliked for doing what’s right.

In The Dark Knight, Commissioner Gordon says of Batman:

“He’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now… so we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it.”

That line sticks. Because sometimes, the best leaders are the ones who can take it. Who carry the weight so others don’t have to. Who don’t need to be seen as heroes - they just need to do what’s necessary.

If you’re leading in that space: Keep going. Stay grounded. Hold the line. You may not be celebrated. But you’ll be remembered for doing the right thing - when it mattered most.